What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 01.07.2025 00:30
Im still living with it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
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Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
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He knew the spot.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Anxious-depressed individuals underestimate themselves even when they’re right - PsyPost
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
What are some good series or movies like GOT in the fantasy genre?
As i do to all so called friends.?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Is it recommended to leave a note in a lost wallet asking for it to be returned?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
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I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
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I never cut or harmed myself..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
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Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
How often should you use red light therapy?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
All the time i was locked up.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Hey girls can we see some anal play?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Put me off passion for life!!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She wouldn,t have been !
Who then, do I blame.?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She was in good health!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
So, i spoilt her more .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But ive been too sick for many years..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
It was going to be , some day.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Comes on , in middle age.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
This is soul school!.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I waited trembling.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She married twice! .
I was 9 years of age.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We were not on the streets..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My life is so biszare .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Especially a lifetime of it.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
What did i know ?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was seconnd youngest,
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
(And it was in our own minds.)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She found it foreign!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We all went to grammer schools
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Would this be the day?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I said to her
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Was to survive, this bastard.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But it wasn’t much.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I have no regrets .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I was scared of men, in general
I couldn’t, believe it.
I write beautiful poetry .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I think the readers, may guess!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And i lived it daily.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
So whats the point in blame.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She loved him until the end.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
When she asked me how she looked .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I don,t even have a pension.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I will be 64.
Why did i forgive my father ?
My family never makes their pension either.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
One cannot live in the past .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I was very sick at this time too.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But, we were locked up after school.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Ive learnt so much.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.